Shore

Since last summer, after the accident, I’ve been very afraid to go into the sea. After the accident, I went to the sea (in Spain). This was not as traumatic as I had imagined it to be, because I was well accompanied. I was with someone who I trust very much + also because I don’t have any memory of the accident. But now I cannot swim far away from the shore anymore.

Before I had only seen movies → about survivors. But I had never before felt it in my body – the experience of drowning. →Even though this experience didn’t involve extreme conditions – actually we were very close to the shore and the waters were calm, but that feeling remained.

G.V.I am a very good swimmer but still I prefer floating to swimming. When I float, I am taken away by the waves, losing my sense of orientation. Then at some point, I am thrown by the waves to the shore.

My mother told me that my grandfather was an alcoholic and when he got drunk he became very aggressive. So the family would → escape to the shore. They had a primitive relationship to it, they considered it their savior. Moreover, they used to catch lobster and octopus to eat because those are the things that they could get on the rocks. Back then you could still find crabs on beach. My mom helped with making nets.

P.P.My personal, intuitive relation to it is defined by fear + fascination. I love to walk on the seashore with my dog: its a form of meditation for me.

Some people from the generation of my mother and before came to France from the West Indies by boat. Like the European migrants arriving at Ellis Island. And I often wonder what it would feel like to sail for days and days on the ocean without seeing the shore + then, suddenly, seeing it. You’re starting a new life somewhere new but at the same time you’re in the middle of nowhere (during the crossing).

Just being on the ship is work. Humans are not made to live on the sea – we are made to live on the shore. We’re handicapped at sea.

To be at sea was always an adventure because you’d never know what was going to happen. You would be on the ship with six other people. When we would come back on shore, we would have a special feeling of accomplishment. If someone was in trouble, the others would help to get him out of trouble. Now its more difficult.

In the old days, there was no connection with the shore during the journey. Our families would ask us: When do you come back? And we’d say: We don’t know yet. Because it’s not possible to plan on the sea. Because you never know what will happen. You should never say how long a journey is going to take. As a skipper, you should never show that you have negative thoughts.